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This article, Grimble Hardthump, was written by Emperors Potato, Lord of Dawi and Spuds. It may be linked to any page without asking for the author's permission.
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This article, Grimble Hardthump, is a non-canonical humour article written for entertainment purposes. It is not to be taken seriously, and does not need to follow any storyline in particular.

"We'ev done it lads! Those chaos heathens are...RIKTOR! RUN AWAYYYYY"
—Grimble, celebrating a victory, only to be interrupted...

Grimble Hardthump is something incredibly rare in the Imperium. A Squat inquisitor. A boy when his home fell, he was picked up by a Inquistor. Larenze "Mad" Belegold. He became part of the inquisitors retinue due to technological skills and physical strength. Though, Larenze had a hard time keeping him alive. As both Grimble was very brash, and most inquisitors Larenze met did not take to his squat very kindly. Nonetheless Larenze eventually became a Lord Inquisitor and gleefully promoted Grimble to a full inquisitor before he was mysteriously killed.

Grimble finally had the means to look for more squats and work for the Imperium. Being somewhat naïve he had no idea how hard that would be. He learned he had to keep low due to Inquisitors never taking kindly to him, and having many of his plans foiled due to the sad fact that nobody seemed to like Squats but other squats. He built up a retinue of fellow Squats he found, and they travel the galaxy on a tiny ship, the Lutbar, trying to do what they can for the Imperium. And mostly, to survive. Despite the constant pressure of half the people he meets trying to blast him he manages to stay jolly and friendly, in no small part due to the brews he keeps on Lutbar.


  • Inquisitor Larenze - It was the time of the great devouring. Grimble and his parents had escaped on a tiny mining ship the destruction of their home world. The ship was found by the vessel of Lord Inquisitor Larenze. He met them. He saw potential, or his madness simply picked him out, in Grimble. Grimble was around a teenager at this time for a Squat. He offered to give the family means to live a wealthy live elsewhere if they allowed him to take Grimble. At Grimble's urging they excepted. What exactly happened to them is unknown, but Grimble now worked with the Inquisitor. With his new master he went on a few adventures as part of his retinue until Larenze mysteriously died, probably poison. He had a good relationship with Larenze, and was surprised when Larenze declared him Inquisitor on his death bed.
  • Necromunda (765.M41-766.M41) - Grimble was proud to be a inquisitor. But he had broader goals then hunt xenos or purge witches. No, he desired his races restoration. And he needed a retinue! He went around the galaxy until he came to Necromunda. A world stock with crime. And, he heard, the occasional travelling Squat! A squat would be a great member to start out his retinue, bearing no prejudice and possibly being able to inform him more of Squat traditions and the like. He landed Larenze old ship, now his, the Lutbar on Necromunda. He visited a tavern in the underhive. He got many sideways glances, as Necromunda or not a Squat was a rare sight. He arrived in the bar, suspecting if a squat was to be found anywhere it would be there. He was not disappointed. A beat up looking Squat with damaged armor was passed out in the corner. Grimble ordered some mead, low quality but he didn't care, and walked over to the passed out Squat. He punched him in the shoulder to wake him up, and greeted the groggy squat. That squat would probably be angered at such a awakening, but his arm was broken. As Grimble explained who he was and why he was there the deeply drunk squat just nodded and agreed, barely realizing he had just excepted the eager inquisitors invitation to his retinue before he passed out again. Grimble carried him to his ships medical bay to heal him from whatever it is that harmed him. As he waited Grimble went outside the ship to explore the underhive, quickly getting attacked by gangers. He put on a brave face and drew his pistol, but quickly had to flee as fast as his short legs could take him, to the comedy of all those watching. He flipped into a dark corner as he was chased, and as his pursuers ran around the corner he took the opportunity to shoot them. His years of work under Larenze had taught him well, and he slew the gangers. But, he was exhausted, and dragged himself back to his ship to awake his new friend from his medical rest. The squat introduced himself as Thimp. Thimp had tried to become a mercenary, and lost a barfight. He was grateful to be picked up by Grimble. Thimp was very exited when Grimble gave him a new weapon: A old Squat axe and pistol! And thus the first member of Grimble's retinue appeared, eager to help him on his quest to find more of his race.
  • The Schlundabar Genestealers (768.M41-770.M41) - Grimble was zooming through space, having good fun with his new friend Thimp. They agreed on many things, from the dangers of abhuman prejudice to the best beers, and they shared excitement for changing the galaxy Grimble believed as a Inquisitor the galaxy would welcome him with open arms. He was flying through the systems and came across a world named Schlundabar. After hearing the world had reported potential genestealers, and was exited. Perhaps he could stop them and prover his worth to the Imperium! he moved to land and meet with the governor to figure out the issues. The governor was very surprised to see a Squat inquisitor, and was at first in disbelief. The governor, Chadwise said that the Inquisitor sent to the planet was supposed to have come later, and he was a old prestigious man, definitely not a Squat. But when Grimble happily confirmed his stature the governor began to share his delicate information. The gene stealers were hidden in the lower levels of the city, perhaps in the sewers. And if Grimble cant handle it soon then the other Inquisitor will arrive for help. Grimble went down into the lower levels with Thimp, and it was dark. Trash and roaming gangsters' and workers were everywhere. They found the entrance to the sewer systems, a entrance long abandoned and decaying, and jumped inside. Their goal was somewhat poorly defined, but they wanted to beat the genestealers. They heard skittling and movement in the walls but found nothing. Then Thimp, using the quick thinking skills he was proud of, turned around and blasted a hole in the wall. There was a room, a large room, full of genestealers. Then they turned to Thimp and Grimble. Grimble took one look and ran with Thimp. Genestealers crawled on the walls and chased them as they scrambled to the entrance. They had a plan, however. Grimble had organized the planetary defense force to wait outside the entrance, prepared to destroy the genestealers he drew out. They weren't. Grimble was shocked at their absence, and continued running down allies. It looked like the gene stealers had stopped chasing, probably trying to retain some measures of secrecy. Now he needed a new plan, and he couldn't trust the planetary defense force. Him and Thimp walked to a nearby bar and discussed plans to attack. It was time to enact Grimble's new plan, after staying a night at the tavern him and Thimp walked back towards the entrance. As they walked to it they saw something odd in a sewer grate. Something that looked like a ball with a red face messily painted on it. Thimp jokingly named it Dilson, picked it up and threw it in his bag. They went into the sewer with Dilson and found the genestealers prepared. They attacked from the walls, but thankfully the two Squats were able to jump onto the floor fast enough to dodge. They turned around at the two surprised genestealers and blasted them open with bolt pistols. They then went to where they blew the entrance into the genestealer base. It was covered with rubble. He placed a bomb on the rubble. He heard walking, and him and Thimp ducked behind rocks before the cultist walking down the hallways saw them. They had to be stealthy. They slowly set bombs over what they knew was the edge of the room, avoiding enemies as well as they could and when they couldn't hiding the bodies. Thimp hated being sneaky and not just blowing them up, but Grimble did his best to keep a cool head even though more and more genestealers seemed to be patrolling the halls. As he finished setting the final bomb, Thimp and Grimble turned around to see at least ten cultist behind them. They had little chance, and were grabbed and quickly captured by the cultist. they awoke with blindfolds, tied to cold stone alters. Grimble's blindfold was taken off, and he saw a tall cultist staring over him with a knife. He screamed. He would have died right there had the roof not exploded. The roof shattered, showing the dark hive sky above and a Inquisitor dropped in, with a larage force of Guardsmen. They ambushed the surprised genestealers and cut them down, before two unwrapped the Squats. Grimble could barely hear, "Squats...the boss wont like that." Not a good sign. He sat up, seeing his gear in a pile in the corner along with Thimps. And then he looked in front of him. A very old looking man with a flowing coat and top hat looked at him. He looked disgusted. Grimble began to greet him before the man harshly yelled "WHERE IS INQUISITOR GRIMBLE? I WAS TOLD TO MEET WITH HIM!" Grimble was taken aback and replied that it was him. The man pulled out a bolt pistol and aimed it at Grimble. "You? Don't joke! No inquisitor would appoint something as devious and wretched as a abhuman, it would soil our very badge! Tell me, where is Grimble!" the man said. Grimble showed him his badge. The inquisitor, who he remembered to be Riktor Verrat...a puritan who hated all but humans. His hate spread to Abhumans. The inquisitor yelled and began to shoot. Grimble expected this and rolled off the edge of the alter. Thimp did the same. They began to run, but the Inquisitor ordered his guard to shoot. The inquisitor gave chase as they ran through the tunnels, after quickly snatching what of their gear they could carry, and was right about to be in a good enough position to kill. But, they were saved. Dilson rolled out of Thimps bag at lightning speeds and tripped Riktor. The two Squats escaped into the city, losing him in a alleyway. Grimble was exhausted, and saddened that another Inquisitor hated him so. Riktor would not rest until Grimble was dead. What he saw as a stain to the Inquisitions honor could not be allowed to live. And Thimp was sad Dilson was gone, he had grown rather attached to it. Then he opened his bag, and their was Dilson as if he had never left. This shocked the two, as Dilson had been left behind. But Thimp said it must have been a rock and they thought it was Dilson, and neither of them wanted to consider otherwise, so they left it at that and set off to the next mission.
  • The Star-Rats (772.M41) - Grimble had changed since his first missions. He realized he had to keep his head down, lest more in inquisition noticed him and had the same response to a Squat inquisitor Riktor did. The imperium was just as dangerous to him as the xenos were. Using his inquisitorial money he had discreetly purchased large amounts of alcohol from a squat brewery on a agri world, Zugmans, and carried it in the back of his ship. He and Thimp would retire their as the ship flew to party and generally have fun. They had a couch set up and a table, and it was also the main place they worked in while traveling. ONe day while flying through a system they came across a large vessel...a pirate vessel. They tried to evade it as best as they could but were noticed. The pirate ship opened up its dock and a smaller pirate vessel left, with great speed arriving to The Lutbar and attaching to it for boarding. Grimble and Thimp awaited with their guns ready at the doorway, preparing for the pirates to come out. They could hear a yell. "WE ARE THE STAR RATS! WE ARE HERE TO TAKE YOUR BEER!" How the pirates figured out this ship was carrying alcohol is unknown, and something Grimble would try to look into for a while after. They broke into the ship, and the first few went down to Grimble and Lutbar's fire. They did not expect their enemies to be so short. Grimble and Thimp made the same mistake. They kept aiming high to deal with their taller foes, unprepared for when a one eyed squat tackled Thimp. Grimble did his best to kick him off, and knocked him out with the back of his gun. Squat lives were to few to spare. They managed to beat back the boarding and the Lutbar escaped, flying off into the next system and away from the pirates. Then, they heard noises one night and found a stowed. The one eyed Squat had been hiding in their beer closet since the fight. He didn't seem aggressive, and apologized for the beer he had drunk, promising to repay. Facing inquiries from Grimble he said the pirates had saved him from the ruin of his homeworld and he had been with them ever since, and had never wanted to rejoin the Imperium in full, for in his words "Tis better to live your life in rags, then be chained to a desk with a wife whos a hag!" He proved to have a good sense of humor and Grimble made a deal. He would keep this new Squat on board as long as he didn't cause trouble. The new squat proved his worth, brewing his own impressive mead. He declared his name was Dawzbag Durkinsson, newest member of the retinue of Grimble.
  • The Near-Death Experience of Grimble (774.M41) - Grimble was looking for a job and he came across a planet called Nuire. Nuire was a dark and gray world, and it always seemed to have something off about it. Grimble concluded through perusing some evidence it was possibly a chaos cult, probably of the Slaaneshi variety seeding amongst the high classes. Boldly he went to a popular high class hang out, a club called the Pink Finger. He looked for information on the cult, and saw some suspicious hooded figures with what could have been the bottom half of the star of chaos seen under there sleeves. Grimble tried to approach them but they slinked away in the crowd before he could. He stayed a few more hours before leaving, walking down a alleyway to where his ship was parked. A cloaked man with a dagger jumped out from the shadows and tried to stab him, but aimed too high. This gave Grimble the chance to slice his legs, and when he knelt down in pain Grimble shot him. He checked the body and was suspicious to find no signs of chaos, until he found a note. Unravelling it he found the seal of Riktor. He concluded Riktor must have ordered his assassination...and that Riktor was coming to Nuire. He continued his investigations, working late while his allies slept with Dilson propped up on his desk as he studied. He even did a few more trips to the Pink Finger. He figured out cultist may be meeting up in its rooms. He procured robes, and equipped his retinue with them. He once more infiltrated the club, and made it to the entrance to the back room. As the guard of the door asked for identifications, he had Thimp jump him, tripping him by grabbing his legs, holding him down for Dawzbag to put him in a chokehold and knock him out. After putting the poor man in a dark corner they entered...and saw scenes of great, unspeakable depravity, of which they don't wish to speak of. It instantly convinced them it was a Slaaneshi cult, and they unloaded their guns and killed every single one of the cultists. On hearing the club begin rushing towards the door they locked behind them they realized they needed a escape. They took a cultist body and burst through the window. Thankfully it was on the bottom of a tower so they lived, and ran to the Lutbar. They investigated the body and found nothing, but they did find more clubs that could house cults. They went to the next one, the Blue diamond, attempting to repeat the same process. But as they entered they saw the entire club dead, and one man and a squad of planetary defense force standing over the bodies. Inquisitor Riktor. He must have figured it out to. On seeing Grimble he smiled a devilish grin, and Grimble immediately ordered his men to run. Bolter fire behind them they escaped once more. Over the next week Riktor and Grimble were almost competing to take down the cults first, ending in them both busting the final cult lounge. Riktor once more began to attack Grimble and his retinue, and Grimble did the he was backing out of the door with his boys, using corpses as cover. As Riktor stayed to bask in the glory of his victory, Grimble quickly left the system without even announcing his departure. He had done good work, but it would be dangerous if he stayed.
  • Operation Electric Boogaloo (776.M41) - Grimble heard of some mysterious activity on the world of Boogaloo. Boogaloo was a hive world with labyrinthine passages and towers. It depended greatly on electricity and power to stay working, which made its latest transmissions unsettling. It had begun experiencing power outages at increasing rates and begged for a Inquisitor to find out what kind of dark work was at play. The call was answered by none other them Grimble, riding the Lutbar as fast as possible to the destination. On arriving at Boogaloo he met its governor, descendant of the rogue trader who settled it, Jacite Boogaloo. He told Grimble that strange activities were seen in the electric facilities beneath the city. Claw marks were found on tunnel walls and even worse, wires would end up cut. Grimble quickly declared that he would settle it, though in his head he was bemoaning the fact that it was likely more genestealers. He wanted some more variety, maybe fight some Orks for a change. But, sadly that wouldn't happen. And thus he gathered with his crew and came up with operation Electric Boogaloo. The first stage of it was as follows, Thimp and Dilson would both go wait at the facility all night and day, when whoever was messing with it showed themselves, probably by attacking Thimp the rest of the retinue would attack and take whoever attacked Thimp hostage for information. Or to confirm that it is, in fact, genestealers. It worked. Thimp was minding his own business when a long clawed maniacal beasts jumped at him from the shadows and tried to tear his kneecaps off. The beasts failed as Dawzbag shot him off. With the beasts dead, Grimble was sure more would come. He called in arbite forces and together they patrolled the facility all night, and no genestealers snuck in. But there was still a power outage in the city. Each city had their own electrical stations, but this capital city had been experiencing the most blackouts, and for there to be one it had to be from its electrical station. So somehow genestealers indeed snuck in despite the watch of Grimble. They investigated the area the next day, finding no evidence until they came across a large tunnel. Surely this was it. Grimble and his retinue stepped inside, and prepared to investigate. It was, in fact, a genestealer cave. Constant attacks stopped them from moving in to deep, and they were pushed into a corner where they held up, desperately trying to call for reinforcements, but the electricity was out. They used a pile of corpses like a barricade, fighting as they shivered at the discarded bloody kneecaps that littered the base. Dilson rolled around wildy to the astonishment of the retinue, trampling gene stealers toes as the gene stealers stood in shock at the balls like of knees. Dawzbag took out the escape plan. Bombs. They blew a huge hole in the wall, and it led to the surface. They crawled out, only to find all electricity was gone. The city was defenseless. And then a dark shadow blotted out the sun. Tyranids. It became a mad dash for survival as the retinue tried to run to the Lutbar as fast as possible, making it in and swiftly leaving the system. They called for help as much as they could and eventually caught the attention of the Ultramarines. The Ultramarines came to the world, and battle the foul tyranids above it. Grimble saw this as a job well done, surely ultramarines never lost. They did. And so the deathwatch came to the system. Grimble took control of a deathwatch squad for the first time, being as mysterious as possible so none realized his short disposition. He had them infiltrate the vessel and plant godly amounts of bombs before exiting, when Grimble triggered them. h e happily watched as the tyrranid ship blew up into hundreds of bio chunks. They had been dealt with, and the genestealers beneath had been swept up by Ultramarines. Grimble quietly left the system, flying off to a different world. A world with Orks!
  • Operation Kill the Green Thumb (779.M41) - Grimble and his crew were travelling through space once more. A world had been under attack by a ferocious WAAAGH, led by the dreaded Gurgob Jabbar. Grimble decided that he could be of use and swore that he would slay the beast. Grimble and the crew got together to plan. All three of them would go in equipped with sniper rifles except for Dawzbag, who would carry his standard weapons. They would sneak into the camp and assassinate the Ork warboss within. In secret the Inquisitor and his retinue came to the Ork camp, and crouched behind a bush on a hill. Thimp and Grimble saw the warboss, a good two feet above his boys, and locked onto him. The Orks began chanting their customary battle chants as the big Ork riled them up...then two bullets pierced his skull. A mad looking Ork saw where the bullets came from, pointed and yelled. And out from a cave behind where the big Ork had been standing was a Ork at least two feet bigger. And he yelled, "OI! WHADDYA DO TO MAH HYPE BOY?" That was the warboss. And the warboss was now opening deadly fire into Grimble's position. Grimble, Thimp and Dawzbag flew from their spot and began running as fast as possible through the foilage behind them to get out of the warcamp. Sadly, running through the forest they realized how short it was. The Orks had turned a majority of the area into waste lands and it spat them back into the plains. They just had to make it to the ship in time! Through a hail of fire from the greenskins they barely made it onto the ship, and blasted off towards the Imperial base. Fort Grassnole. He had a new plan. They would wait till the Orks attacked and snipe him from the battlefield. It came to pass that Orks rallied in front of the gates of the fort, and attacked it. And Grimble saw his the wall beneath him was blasted open. Him and his retinue fell far down, into the raging hordes of Orks below. With difficulty they stood up, thankfully they had landed on wreckage that had crushed the Orks beneath them. They knew what to do. The three of them charged through the masses and the battle taking place to find the warboss. And find him they did, Dawzbag eagerly charged him only to be swept aside by a massive hand. Grimble met a similar fate. Their hope was in Thimp. Thimp loved bombs, and had taken one with him. Using distraction after distraction Grimble and Dawzbag tricked the Ork into turning around...then Thimp takked a bomb to his back. The Squats ran off a few feet, and saw a huge bloody explosion behind them. They did it. As the confused Orks began punching eachother they made their escape, wining another day for the Imperium. They decided to stay at the planet for a little while longer. WAAAGH's dont stop themselves. Well, they can, but they need a little help along the way.


He is a somewhat idealistic Squat. He believes he can change the Imperium for the better, though his recent experiences have made him doubt it. In fact, he believed the Inquisition would be eager to help him in his cause but that to has proven to be fault. He generally has a good heart if somewhat of a alcoholic, and genuinely enjoys what he does. He has big dreams such as restoring the Squat race, and though they have been quashed over and over again he refuses to let them go. He is not a coward, but he isn't impractical and thus has been forced to run away or, pull a "TACTICAL WITHDRAWAL!" many times in his career. Every day he prays to the emperor in joy that he hasn't been killed yet.

Allies and Enemies

  • Thimp - Thimp was a would-be Squat mercenary on Necromunda. He loves fighting, stabbing and explosions making him a good all around combatant for Grimble's retinue. His wargear is simple, basic clothes, goggles, and a master crafted plasma gun gifted to him on his first day of the job. He doesn't even need to be paid in anymore then a simple cheap mug of beer. Thimp is also Grimble's best and first friend after becoming a Inquisitor. Thimp is not as level headed for Grimble, and has a weakness for alcohol that would rival the greatest of Squat alcoholics, which is shown in the fact that Grimble found him passed out at a bar. Thimp is just as convinced in the cause as Grimble is, naively believing that he and Grimble can bring the squat race back from the ashes, and dreams of the imagined fame that would bring him.
  • Dawzbag Durkinsson - Former pirate, he began life as a citizen in one of the destroyed Squat homeworlds. Pirates saved him from the fall and he worked with the Star Rats ever since. He didn't like the Imperium, seeing with his own eyes the terror of living their compared to the ease of being a pirate. He worked their for a long time and enjoyed it, even though he lost a eye to a Eldar. However, he changed his mind when his life was at stake. He attacked the Inquisitorial vessel Lutbar, the vessel of Grimble. He got knocked out, and when the Lutbar escaped the pirates he was left on the Lutbar. He stowed away in the beer closet, drinking and waiting for a chance to escape. Grimble found him. Dawzbag is a honest pirate and apologized for the beer drunk, saying he would pay for it. He talked with the crew for a while and they enjoyed his humor, so Grimble invited him to his retinue if he kept out of trouble. Dawzbag excepted and proved himself a exceptional brewer, and pilot. But, he is a pirate and thus skilled in warfare, using his signature twin pistols. He's a humorous with his own code of honor, and no real allegiance to anyone but Grimble.
  • Riktor Verrat - Riktor is a Puritan Inquisitor who seeks the death or demotion, maybe at the same time of Grimble. His reasons are varied. He doesnot believe a squat should be a inquisitor, and that Grimble is a stain on the inquisitions honor. Though Riktor is, or would like to present himself as a honorable man, but that doesn't stretch to when he deals with Grimble. He is prepared to kill Grimble with anything from a bolt pistol to the face to a assassin. Riktor is a powerful Inquisitor with a cold personality, yet a cruel sense of humor behind a cocky smirk.


  • The Grimbalaster - This is Grimble's favorite pistol. He was gifted it by his original master, Inquisitor Larenze, and has used it ever since then. It is unknown from where the pistol was procured by its design points to a Squat origin, perhaps saved by Larenze himself when Larenze went to the Squat realms as they fell, and found Grimble. It has some words written on the side in the Squats traditional language, that is unable to be interpreted by others and Grimble refuses to share. In any manner the gun is a valuable weapon, and has been used against a variety of enemies since Grimble's first days working for the Imperium.
  • Dilson - Dilson is a tough leather ball that was found in a gutter on Necromunda. Scribbled on it in bright red is a somewhat unsettling smile and eyes. It seems to have somewhat supernatural properties, as when it seemed to teleport to Thimp's bag after falling out and tripping Riktor in the gene stealer caves of Schlundabar. Dilson sometimes even seems to emanate strange noises, like whispers, and rolls in ways that shouldn't be possible without momentum, rolling across the ships hallways without anyone moving him. Grimble has found this strange, but not wanting to consider what it could be makes up excuses for it in his mind like the ball must have a weight in it. Whatever the case, something is off about Dilson the ball.


By Grimble

"Alright, were gonna plant bombs all through the cave. Here is the map, the locations are...I think I hear footsteps. There coming, stay put...Dawz, what are you doing- GET BACK HERE"
— Grimble, saddened by his crew's occasional incompetence

About Grimble (Feel free to add your own)

"A shame to not only our most holy inquisition, but to the Imperium! To regain the honor lost when an abhuman was deemed pure enough to judge the guilty and innocent alike, I will regain it in his death."
— Riktor, on why Grimble needs to die.
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